


I'm not hopeless anymore

by Adlez27



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 05:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11685129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adlez27/pseuds/Adlez27
Summary: It's just high school akiteru okay





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so overkill, I wrote a song for this fanfic.

Akito had a feeling that Teru was ignoring him. And what, hanging out with _other friends and acquaintances?_ Absolutely unheard of. Well, nothing wrong with that. The thing that was wrong was that Teru wasn't showing up to band practice. So, the next morning, Akito was set on confronting him about it.

Teru ran out his door, toast in his mouth with his bag and an extra notebook in his hands. Akito knew he was going to be late too if he was waiting for Teru, but this would be worth it. He jumped on him.  
"ACK!" Kiyoteru yelped. "Where did you come from?" His toast fell on the ground, and dirt got stuck to it. Unsalvageable.  
"I was waiting for you," Akito answered deadpan. He picked up the dirty toast and tossed it into a nearby garbage bin. "Good morning."  
Teru sighed and continued walking, putting the notebook into his bag. Just before he could manage to do so, Akito took it out of his hands.  
"Isn't this your lyric book?" Akito asked, flipping through the pages. He found a new song near the end. "Hey, so you ARE doing something for the band."  
"Give me that." Kiyoteru took the notebook back and firmly secured it inside his bag. "I'm still working on those songs. I'll show them to you after school today."  
"Oh, great! Now I don't need to worry," Akito said with a smile. But he still didn't know why Teru was avoiding him before now.  
Teru checked his watch, and immediately took off running. Akito, who assumed that Teru knew what he was doing, ran as well.  
They made it to school just in the nick of time.

During the lunch break, Akito went to Kiyoteru's classroom and sat on the seat in front of him, facing backwards. "Yo." He was too impatient to wait until later. Kiyoteru was working hard on something for the band- something for Akito- and he was excited to know more.  
Kiyoteru, flustered, immediately hid his lyric book. "I'm not done with these yet," he said.  
"Why does it have to be a surprise?" Akito asked. "You haven't been showing up to band practice. I get to know what you've been up to."  
Teru huffed and handed the notebook over, avoiding eye contact as he did so. "I'm buying yakisoba bread," he announced, standing up and leaving the room.

This gave Akito the opportunity to flip through. He first took out his mom's homemade bento, though. Ah, squash, one of his favorite vegetables.  
He opened the book to the newer songs. "My heart is pounding, this feeling / I don't know why it's like this / Maybe I could be with you get closer / But there's no hope"  
Wow, it's definitely a love song. Kiyoteru has a crush on someone! Akito totally agreed with the bit about "no hope". Kiyoteru was so weak-willed, that he'd need a push to do the confession.  
Akito took a big mouthful of rice and flipped to the next page. "I wish I could be a better guy / Always thinking straight / I'll grow up someday / And do the right thing"  
Huh. He didn't really get this song. What did Teru do wrong? Akito couldn't think of anything to do with drama or relationships, so maybe it was about schoolwork or something. He hoped that Teru was alright.

Just then, Kiyoteru returned, with his yakisoba bread already half eaten. He sat down at his desk again. "You better go back to your own classroom," he told Akito, slowly taking the notebook back.  
"Oh, right," Akito noted, looking at the clock. "Do you want a piece of squash?" Being the vegetable shop boy, he was concerned about Teru's habits. Someday, it'll snowball into something worse. He might end up being one of those lonely NEETs who eats instant ramen. This path must be stopped.  
"No thanks," Kiyoteru said, continuing to munch his carbs-on-carbs. Akito put a piece of squash on top of the bread anyway, before leaving the room.

At the end of the day, it was time for band practice. Or, more accurately, for Kiyoteru to hang out at Akito's house.  
"Alright!" Akito yelled, tossing his bag onto the couch and immediately gunning for his acoustic guitar. "Let's do this!"  
Kiyoteru put his bag on the floor next to the table and had a glass of water. "Ready when you are. I finished the lyrics."  
Akito found a pick and gave the guitar a few test strums. He counted out the rhythm and started to play.

[Click here to hear the song](https://soundcloud.com/dysto_p/i-was-hopeless-in-high-school) 

> **Hopeless (Why can't I think straight?)**  
>  **It's hopeless (I don't have a chance)**  
>  **It's hopeless (I won't run away)**  
>  **It's hopeless (Maybe one last dance)**  
>  **If I'm not doing something wrong**  
>  **Then I'll let you lead me through**  
>  **I know I'd rather follow along**  
>  **And keep quiet, and keep silent**  
>  **If I am doing something wrong**  
>  **Then I'll hide this in my heart**  
>  **And the day will come along**  
>  **When this feeling falls apart**
> 
> **My heart is pounding**  
>  **It skipped a beat**  
>  **When I looked into your eyes**  
>  **Echo resounding**  
>  **What does this mean**  
>  **And I have to ask it why**
> 
> **Senseless emotions**  
>  **I don't have to feel**  
>  **Restless commotion**  
>  **This must be unreal, it's**
> 
> **Hopeless (Why can't I think straight?)**  
>  **It's hopeless (I don't have a chance)**  
>  **It's hopeless (I won't run away)**  
>  **It's hopeless (Maybe one last dance)**  
>  **If I'm not doing something wrong**  
>  **Then I'll let you lead me through**  
>  **I know I'd rather follow along**  
>  **And keep quiet, and keep silent**  
>  **If I am doing something wrong**  
>  **Then I'll hide this in my heart**  
>  **And the day will come along**  
>  **When this feeling falls apart**

When the song ended, Akito lightly conked Teru on the head.  
"Ow! What gives?" Teru said, wincing.  
"You know I suck at english, what do the lyrics mean?" Akito asked.  
"I'll explain later," Teru dismissed, rubbing the spot where he was hit.

"Anyway," Akito started, sitting them both down. "I think you have a crush on someone."  
"What makes you think that?" Kiyoteru asked, after a moment of hesitation.  
"You let me read those Japanese lyrics during lunch, remember? You definitely like someone," Akito confidently concluded. He crossed his arms, but around the neck of the guitar.  
"Well, I dunno…" Teru trailed. "I'm not sure about it."  
"Listen," Akito said, putting his hands on Teru's shoulders. The guitar started to slip, and then clattered to the floor. "I'm your best friend. I know you. You like someone, and you are going to tell her that you do."  
"No no no no no!" Kiyoteru refused, flustered. He pushed Akito's hands up and away. "I can't do that. They'll hate me."  
"Absolutely not!" Akito insisted. "Sure, you have less in the 'looks' department than I do, but you care so much about people. Anyone who rejects you would be missing out."  
"U-um, I'm glad you think that way-"  
"You. Are going. To get. A girlfriend. Okay, so what are you gonna say? First you have to figure out when to talk," Akito rambled, thinking out loud.  
"I think I'd rather write a letter," Teru suggested.  
"Huh? Oh, that's really like you. But you are definitely going to finish it today, and send it tomorrow," Akito ordered. He stared at Teru with a look of what he hoped was intimidation.  
Kiyoteru was silent for a while. Probably thinking. Eventually, quietly, he said, "Fine."  
Akito cheered.

"Boys, it's time for dinner!" Akito's mom called out from the dining table. There were places set for five people. Akito's father and little Tatsuhiro were already seated. Akito and his mother took their places, and Kiyoteru sat where Akiko used to be.  
"Yes! I love curry!" Teru exclaimed. This was always Akito's favorite part of having Kiyoteru come over. Even though he didn't personally like curry as much as other dishes, seeing Kiyoteru happy was the best thing.  
They both reached for the rice at the same time. "Sorry, you go ahead," Teru apologized. So Akito took a big scoop of rice and put it on Kiyoteru's plate, before serving himself. Why apologize?

After dinner, they returned to the topic of The Love Letter. Several candidates of wording were considered, many scrapped. Revisions were abound, as Akito insisted on getting straight to the heart of it, while Kiyoteru wanted to express his doubts. For a brief moment, they considered getting one of those singing greeting cards and recording a song into it. But finally, they completed the letter. Teru rewrote it one last time, cleanly, in his own handwriting.  
Akito cleared his throat to read it aloud. "You have often been on my mind. I treasure this friendship, but now I'd like to become closer. I believe this could be love. If you accept those feelings, would you be alright with going on a date?"  
Kiyoteru was looking down the whole time it was being read.  
"It's perfect," Akito declared. "Don't get nervous. You are all set."

Teru checked his watch. "It's getting late. I should head home," he said.  
"Yeah, okay," Akito replied. He neatly folded up the letter and gave it back to Kiyoteru. "Don't forget this."  
Teru put away his things and picked up his bag, then took the letter back and went to the doorway to put his shoes back on.  
"See ya tomorrow," Akito said to Kiyoteru standing in the doorway. He just stood there.  
With a swift and deep bow, Teru thrust the letter in Akito's face. "This is for you!" As soon as Akito took the letter out of Kiyoteru's hand, Teru ran away.


	2. Chapter 2

It was 30 minutes past the time that Teru normally woke up, so Father Kiyoshi went up to his bedroom to investigate.  
"Good morning," he said as he walked in. Kiyoteru rolled over under his blanket. "Are you awake?"  
To that, Teru answered with a groan. Kiyoshi moved the chair to sit next to the bed.  
"I feel sick," Teru explained.  
Kiyoshi put his hand on Teru's forehead to feel the temperature. "How sick?" he asked. "Do you need to throw up?"  
Teru vocalized a "no" noise. His temperature wasn't significantly hot.  
"Do you think you can get up? We'll visit a doctor later today," Kiyoshi suggested.  
Kiyoteru sat up. "I'm mostly fine…"  
"Okay, so you're still going to school. Wear a mask just in case you're infectious."  
Teru sighed and got ready, putting on a surgical mask just before he left.

Teru's queasiness wasn't of a physical malady, but rather a wretched anxiousness that wanted to keep him away from school. To keep him away from seeing Akito. Ugh, what the hell would Akito be thinking about that letter? What the hell was Teru thinking, to even give it?  
He didn't have to feel like he was "in love" or something. It was just a weird, confused feeling that somehow got Akito tangled up in it. He didn't need to say anything. And yet it's so certainly unlike how he felt about other friends. It was so stupid.

Absentmindedly, he followed through the daily routine of his walk, stopping for a moment along the way to buy onigiri. Oh no. He was reaching the school gate. Oh no. He was inside the building. Oh fucking no, Akito is right here.  
"Morning. You alright?" Akito asked, in reaction to the mask.  
"No." Clearly not.  
"Hey, um, about that letter…"  
Oh boy. Here it comes.  
"Yes. Let's go on a date." Akito excitedly put his hands on Kiyoteru's.

 

 

WHAT?

"Hrk??" was the noise that came out of Teru's throat. He couldn't believe this.  
"Holy shit. I can't believe you had the balls to actually tell me that." Akito let go of Teru's hands.  
Wait, so is Akito taking this seriously? It seemed at this point like Akito was just entertaining the notion.  
"I didn't want to say anything either because, well, you're just so proper. You were going to stop talking to me," Akito said with rising energy. "I still can't believe it… You like me too, you really like me too." He was actually tearing up.  
"SSSSHhhhhushhh!!" Kiyoteru insisted. "People are looking at us."  
"C'mere!" Akito pulled Teru into a hug, exactly contrary to what he was demanding. But this embrace was so warm and comforting. Akito made sure to give a couple firm pats on the back to make it look like an ordinary bro hug, and soon let go.  
It was time to go to class, so they couldn't continue the conversation until the lunch break.

When it was time, Akito took the seat in front of Teru just like before.  
"Did you have any specific date ideas?" he asked, putting his bento on Teru's desk and opening it. Teru's meal today was tuna onigiri from the convenience store.  
"I didn't really think that far in advance," Teru answered. He tore the onigiri's plastic wrapper down the middle and pulled the two halves apart. Ah, perfectly crunchy seaweed. He lowered his mask and took a bite. Akito didn't really get the point of keeping it crisp, though. They're more like homemade if the seaweed is stuck to the rice.  
"Shoot, I didn't think of anything either." Akito began to eat as well.  
"I mean, I guess, we already spend a lot of time with each other." Kiyoteru was avoiding eye contact again.  
Akito stopped eating for a moment and sighed, admiring Kiyoteru. Even despite the tired expression, he found that face so peaceful to look at.  
"What?" Teru asked, looking up.  
"Nothing. I just like looking at you."  
Teru kinda laughed a little. He didn't need to avert his gaze anymore. "I like looking at you too." He put his hand on the table, hoping that this stupid cue would work. And work it did, when Akito picked up that hand and laced his fingers between Teru's.  
How could something so mundane feel like such magic? What was this surging emotion?  
"I really enjoy spending time with you," Akito muttered.  
The moment was broken for them to finish eating. Teru, with his two rice balls, finished first and took the opportunity to review class notes. When Akito ate all of his food, he put his things back together and stood up to leave. "See ya," he said, ruffling Teru's hair. He went back to his own classroom and Teru fixed his hair, still somehow enchanted by that touch.

The day ended and it was time for the going-home club to be on their way. Akito caught up with Teru and put his arm around his shoulders. "Heya! How about this, since we already do shit together, let's count that as the dating, and say that starting now we'll just officially be boyfriend and- boyfriend."  
Teru agreed with an affirmative grunt. "Speaking of doing stuff, I was thinking about staying at your house and watching a movie together," he suggested.  
"Yeah! I'll go rent a movie," Akito said. He hopped on his bike as soon as they got to the grocery. Teru invited himself behind the stand with one of the employees and sat on an extra chair.  
When Akito returned with some movie, he was able to let Kiyoteru in the house, who was eating an apple he got for free. Akito put the movie on the table and went to make some popcorn. Teru looked at the case, and at the summary on the back. Good taste. He popped the disc in the DVD player and waited on the couch with the remote.  
Once the popcorn was ready, Akito turned off the lights and sat on the couch right next to Teru. This was the cue to press play.

It wasn't really important what movie it was. Mainly because I simply cannot be bothered to decide on a precise timeframe for this fanfiction and calculate a movie that would have been available for DVD rental at the time. The more important part was Teru and Akito leaning on each other as they watched.  
They've watched movies together before. But all of those times were with other people also present, or an appropriate distance between them, or both. Curled up on the couch, holding hands, this was the kind of "closer" they craved. They already knew each other's heads: personalities, preferences, habits, hobbies. The difference now was their memories and impressions tinged with a new hue of love (or hormones). (Definitely hormones.) That's why this mundane moment still felt so good and somehow romantic. They were enjoying each other's company more than the movie.

"Where's everyone else?" Kiyoteru quietly asked Akito.  
"Mom and Tatsuhiro are taking a nap. Dad is out of the house," Akito answered.  
Bravely, Kiyoteru posed his real question. "You mind if I kiss you on the cheek?"  
"Go ahead."  
Teru turned his head and gave Akito that quick little peck. Wow. Yes. Akito was just so. Precious.

"My mom knows that I like you," Akito mentioned at some other point.  
"Since when?" Teru wondered.  
"Uhh…. few months."  
Teru envied that a little. He had no idea how he was going to bring this up to his dad. Maybe now was too soon, though.  
By the time the movie ended, Akito's mother and Tatsuhiro were already awake. She came down to the living room and flipped the lights on. Teru panicked and let go of Akito's hand, dropping the remaining popcorn on the floor.  
"I'm sorry ma'am, I'll clean this up," Teru said, getting off the couch to pick up spilled popcorn and all the tiny kernels.  
"Thank you very much," she said. "By the way, Akito-kun,"  
"Hm?" Akito was helping with the mess, but stopped to listen.  
"You better clean up your room before you bring your boyfriend in there."  
Teru accidentally hit his head on the table and yelped.  
"He's not.. Well yeah.. but, I'm not gonna," Akito stuttered.  
"I know, I know, I'm just reminding you," his mom responded.  
"She really does know," Teru whispered.

When Teru left to go home, Akito returned the favor of a kiss on the cheek.

After Teru had his dinner and finished the rest of his homework, he sat around in his room, bored. You know what people do when they're bored and by themselves. Lie down and think about Akito, of course. Now that he had the key, now that the door was unlocked, he could finally let his mind wander in the area of Akito without any doubts or uncertainty. Boyfriend. His best friend was now his boyfriend.  
Akito was someone whose laughter and emotion and liveliness were almost like light in the shadows. Someone who he could hug, whose hand he could hold, whose eyes he could gaze into, whose cheek he could kiss. Maybe his lips too, holding his face close, closing eyes and coming together. Touching him and being so close. So close.  
Teru held his pillow, imagining it was Akito. He would put his arms around his body like this, kiss him like that, feel the breath on his neck. Touch his skin. Touch his…  
And Akito, too, would want to do this, Teru imagined. Akito would kiss him back hard. Maybe unbutton his shirt. The warmth of Akito's body heat directly on his chest.  
Oh fuck, Teru couldn't stand it. He took off his pants and pushed down his underwear. Maybe he could imagine that it was Akito's hand instead.


	3. Chapter 3

Kiyoteru didn't know exactly why he was waiting outside of Akito's house. Maybe he felt some sort of obligation to walk to school together. They would happen to walk together often, yes, but he felt like he had to specifically show up here with purpose. When Akito came out the door, Teru waved. "G'morn," he said.  
"Morning," Akito replied, joining Teru on the sidewalk and holding his hand.  
Teru was a little surprised, but he wanted to do that anyway. Was this going to become a normal thing? It was so nice to be early enough that they could go at a leisurely pace. They took the opportunity to chatter about irrelevant things, like they always did.

"What are you doing?" someone asked them at school.  
"Oh, this?" Akito raised both of their hands. "I'm holding hands with my boyfriend."  
Teru facepalmed with his other hand. It seemed so sudden to be throwing that word around, was his gut reaction. Though, with thought, it made sense. It was going to take a while to get used to this. Since they needed to head to their separate classrooms, they let go of each other's hands.

Lunch time. Teru had remembered to actually pack a lunch, but still wanted something to drink with it. He left the classroom to find the vending machine.  
Akito, who was on his way to Teru's classroom, noticed him in the hall and decided to follow. Quietly sneaking up, he asked, "What kind of juice are you getting?"  
Teru was caught off guard. "Oh, it's just you. I don't really want soda, but I don't like tea either," he said, mulling over the options.  
"You can just have my water," Akito offered. He had PE that day, so he brought in a large water bottle. "Hey, why don't you eat in my classroom? Do you have your food?"  
"Yeah, let me get it," Teru agreed, going back to grab the bento.

They sat at a small group of desks in Akito's classroom, where other boys were already eating. Teru opened his lunch box. Inside was rice topped with furikake, some pieces of hot dog, and leftover spinach.  
"Let's trade food," Akito said without asking permission, taking half a hot dog and putting it in his box. He picked up a piece of chicken and held it up. "Aaah."  
Teru ate it from Akito's chopsticks. It seemed to be coated in sweet, teriyaki sauce. But soon, things began to heat up in his mouth. He tried eating a mouthful of rice, but it didn't help at all. "MMmmmfff!" he whined, grabbing Akito's water bottle and gulping down that cold, sweet water.  
One or two people laughed over the reaction. "Can I try some?" a boy asked.  
"Sure." Akito transferred the spicy chicken to his bento.  
"Why won't you feed me like you fed Teru?"  
"No. He's special," Akito answered, putting his arm around Teru's shoulder. "He's my boyfriend now."

Someone else cursed and money was being exchanged across the table. "We had a bet on whether you two were gay or not."  
Teru choked on the water and started coughing, but that didn't have anything to do with hearing about the bet. Though on reflection, he realized that what he was fantasizing about yesterday was indeed, very **very** gay.  
"I don't think I'm gay," Akito responded. "I guess I haven't really decided on which I like better. Probably both."  
Oh, right, that was a thing.  
"Me too," Teru added once he managed to clear his throat. "I think I'm bisexual."  
"But if you're dating each other, that makes it gay, right?"  
Neither Akito nor Teru were really sure how to answer that question.  
"Well, it's a good thing you're hitched. I don't know what I'd do if you were still checking guys out. Wouldn't it be so weird if you were into me?"  
What good qualities does that guy have anyway? Literally the only reason that Teru considered the idea that he might be attracted to men was Akito. The same thing went for Akito- among all the people he was mildly crushing on, only Kiyoteru was male and only Kiyoteru rose to the top of the list.

The other boys, who were still entertaining the "gay" idea, were messing around and getting all touchy-feely, scooting their chairs together and holding hands, talking like girls. One even sat on another guy's lap, and went full anime with a teary-eyed "I love you senpai" speech. Teru thought it was funny. Akito, on the other hand, wasn't too amused.  
"Are you making fun of me?" he accused. To avoid being caught up in an argument, Teru swiftly disappeared into silence and ate his food.  
"Well sort of yeah, but not really," was the reply.  
"We're just having fun," someone else added.  
"It's fine," Teru assured, putting his hand on Akito's shoulder.  
"I take this really seriously, you know," Akito said, gesturing back and forth with him and Teru. "I don't think you get how important it is. Do you want me to make fun of you guys' relationships?"  
"What relationships?" That answer elicited a laugh. This was the lonely nerds table.  
"Well, if you had a relationship!" Akito supposed.  
The guy at the corner seat muttered, "Didn't Akito give up on a relationship when he decided to settle for his best friend?"  
"I didn't give up, you dick." Akito had heard him. "I'm the only one here who succeeded. So what if he's my best friend, isn't that the point?"  
"Aki, really, they were just joking around," Teru said again in attempt to calm him down. He was starting to get embarrassed by having all that attention called to him. He exactly did not want this relationship to be a big deal, a topic of debate, whatever. He would've been fine with quietly spending time with Akito alone.  
Akito sat down and apologized.

And at the end of the day, they left school holding hands again. Today they were going to perform music in the park. Akito insisted on love songs, but ultimately it was Teru's decision what kind of lyrics he was going to sing. They were not love songs.


End file.
